That's just kinda me

Okay so several times in the past few weeks I've tried or wanted to get on here and blog - about this or that.... but I just stopped myself. Either I didnt have the right photo I wanted to share or I didnt have the right story worked out or I just didnt have enough time. And the truth is I still dont have the right photo ( new camera for Christmas and dont know how to work it all just yet ) and time wise - need or should be doing other things and story wise - well I'm just rambling but then again - that's just me. So bear with me as I just tell what it is Im going to tell.
Back track a bit - Christmas was wonderful! The kids had a wonderful Christmas! The less is more approach was a hit - even with Grace which we were not too sure about. When she opened her one santa gift - my heart was proud! We all know most kids have a mile long santa list with the best items on top of course. The top of her's was the singing Barbie and My Little Pony Scooter (both of which were given to her by her cousins wink wink) - well came time to open "the gift" and she's just ripping that paper left and right - bows flying and then it's revealed.... "It's what I've always wanted!!!!" huge excitement and joy in her voice - LONG PAUSE - "What is it?" Haha - Santa brought her a CD player of her very own! Oh wow - That is what I really wanted!! Alex was happy with unwrapping - his, hers, mine, theres it didnt matter. Shane went overboard as always and I was showered with goodies : ) Gifts and things wise - we were blessed. Memories and love wise - even more so!!
New Years - I'm not one to make resolutions. If you are great - I just have way too many areas in my life that need work to try to just pick a few - just to fail or give up in a few months. So I do have goals I am working towards and dreams of goals to come. Some of the things....

lose more weight -
I started this before the holidays hit and lost 15 lbs - which I was very pleased with - during the sweet feast that is the holiday season, I managed to keep off the 15 and not gain any back - didnt lose but I'm happy with even steven ( you should have seen some of the junk I ate ; ) SO now I'm back on tract - doing Weight Watchers and walking. This week I walked 12 miles. I know right!! I cant remember the last time I walked 12 minutes and now it's 3 miles a day! I bought a CD and walk in the house as Alex naps. Sounds boring but it leaves me with no excuse! And trust me I can come up with some good ones to not work out!! 45 minutes and 3 miles later - I feel better. And I fit into my size 12 again : ) not all 5 pair that I still owned but one at a time I'll be able to squeeze back into them. When I got started on this I was in 18 - 16 so I am happy and proud! And have the prize in sight.

build my christian walk -
this one is big for me. kind of a struggle to be honest. I want to be the person God wants me to be but I dont really know who that is - so... one day at a time I am just trying to be better. Better about not judging, better about not talking without thinking, better about forgiving ( that's a hard one for me at the moment) better at being the mom I know I can be, better at being the wife Shane needs me to be, better at being a friend, better at listening to the voice of God, better at my time alone with God and in the Word. I grew up in church we moved and got away from church. Then got back into it again in HS - got back out of it in the middle of college - back into it during my divorce - back out of it after the divorce - back into it once married with my family. I've had ( as most of us have ) some "different" situations happen either in a church or because of church or more so with the people in church. But for the most part if you see past those people ( cause they are only people) church is good. I dont know all the answers. I dont have the "only way" mapped out for me and everyone I know. But I do believe in the awesomeness of God. I believe prayers are answered - maybe not the way or in the timing we need or want them to be - but they are answered according to His will. A friend sent me an email last week that said God answers prayers 3 ways. Yes, not yet, and I have something better in mind. Love that!!! I have my beliefs - as we all do - and I will not get into the theological reasons for mine - or argue with you about yours. Have faith, pray and believe!! and LOVE : )

children's book writing / publishing -
talked about that on the last blog I think. I contacted a publisher - pitched my book - they wanted to read it and talk about publishing - wow why I didnt I do this before??? and then the packet came in the mail. Dream is not gone - just not with this company. They want to publish - for a full price paid by me and then they keep 55% of all the money made for each book for the next 2 years - wow. So I will try again and see what comes of it.

enjoy life -
I love my life, my kids, my husband! period.
Sometimes I get so busy with the events or things that need to happen I dont enjoy them like I want to. I am going to work harder at just being happy and living each day and not looking forward to the next things so much. There will always be something or 10 on the TO DO list - fact of life. So I will cross them off as I come to them but will live and laugh and love along the way : )

go back to school -
as in get my masters. I have always wanted to continue my education and still do. so this is one of my distant goals I will being working on to figure out which way to go.

So I guess that's my goals and where I'm headed in 2009. Pretty much same place I was going - I'm just now able to take a step back a break and look back where I was - not with regret just with a self evaluation stand point - and see where I want to be. When I look back into 2008 I do not have a SINGLE REGRET - NOT ONE! Every decision I made, every choice, every leaf turned was where I needed to be. Not to say the outcomes of some of those choices were ideal or painfree or easy. Several of them have changed my life as I knew it and others lives forever. But it was right and true and real. No more living my life the way others need for it to be, no more just going with the flow for the sake of the pack. No more "happy face" living for me.
If life is anything it should be real! I will kiss my kids goodnight before bed, I will tell my husband I love him multiple times a day, I will forgive my short coming and I will love with my whole heart - not resolutions just goals - just Mandy Leigh